Secret Squirrel scrambles his nuts and pays the price ...

So Squirrel runs into the office a while back chattering about the new PM drive chick at KLOU, sez it's Steph Duran and ooh and aah, she'll be wonderful! Then Squirrel heads out to root amongst the acorns in the backyard.

Then he comes back a while later and he's all, like, uh oh, wrong, it's Cindy Collins.

And I'm all, like, who is Cindy Collins?  And Squirrel rears back on his little grey haunches, rolling on his back, and laughs and laughs and tells me that she is, like, the Queen of some radio station or other and that I'm old and out of touch.  Yes, I think, I may be, but I'm a human and the Squirrel is just a Squirrel, even though he's #5 in a long series of Squirrels, like the Phantom.

So I pull out the Henry .22 carbine, sight Squirrel in through its BSA 3x9x40mm 'scope, squeeze a round off and send S#5 to his reward.  I cannot bear a smartass, even if he's a loose-lipped Squirrel. Now he's a good Squirrel and ready for Mr. Wolf.  I look around the yard and see many small, grey paws raised and much chatter that sounds like "Ooh, pick me!"

I pick one, he scampers over and Tasha (a multi-lingual dog) and I give him his mission, delivered in basic Squirrel terms.

He's all, like, "Yeah, yeah, I can do that!" and off he goes.  We'll see how S#6 does. He knows the price of failure.

The questions remain:

Who is Cindy Collins and where did she come from?  Will she ever say KLOU's call letters on the air?

And does anyone care about local music DJ's anymore?  C'mon:  you got MP3 players, Pandora, and all the rest.