My Sour Grapes-Sounding Rant

By Frank Absher

I recently attended a fundraising event, one of those $150-a-plate deals, and was surprised to learn they had arranged for a celebrity auctioneer, a guy who’s a local radio announcer.

What made this seem odd to me is that no one came to the event to see the so-called “celebrity,” They were all there because they wanted to support the charity. I sat there wondering what sort of thoughts this guy must have been thinking.

Was he delusional, actually believing his presence was a big draw for the evening? How many of us have been sucked into personal appearances by overzealous ad reps, only to find that few people cared about us being there?

And those people who did care – the faces were familiar ones. Many were the prize pigs, that stratum of society who want something for nothing and who think that people like Balloon Boy’s dad are really cool.
In the harsh light of reality, there are no radio celebrities in local markets anymore, save for a few in the nation’s major markets. It’s been that way for decades.

Now, before a groundswell of animosity develops, let me state for the record that prize pigs and groupies are people too, and I guess if they think someone is a celebrity, then my blanket statement about the dearth of such stars might be a bit off. It’s also true than many people on the air desperately need adulation. But surely even they are intelligent enough to realize after awhile that this isn’t “stardom.”

Why do they settle for it? Why do they crave it?

To get that answer you’d have to ask them.

As a young person in the business, I have to admit that the appearances at the local McDonald’s fed the ego, and there were always a few extra bucks for the effort. But those appearances soon became more and more burdensome. It was my professional duty to be at the top of my game for them, but they quickly became the “job” rather than the high points.

Many charities ask pseudo-celebs to attend functions in the hope that will draw more participants. It’s hard to turn them down, especially if the pseudo-celeb needs an ego fix. But it seems to me that the best way to help out these charities is to pick the ones you want to support, and if an invitation comes in, promote the event on the radio, but if you attend, buy your ticket just like Joe Average does. And accept the charity appearance for what it is: part of your community obligation, and part of your job.

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